exodus

Internship is an exodus whose chronicles should just remain that ,chronicles

My first 72hr weekend call is what marked my first baptism.You see,I went into internship with a great zeal ,to learn ,practice and perfect all that apertains my profession.Isn't this what they tell us when we graduate? I still remember my last lecture in medical school ,medical ethics and empathy for the suffering. This was a parting shot for me and as such I felt it was the summary to the 6 years.The same way Christ upheld love is the same way I said ,above all show empathy.

Anyway this particular weekend was full, I mean ,to the brim. It began with a call from the medical ward with a patient treated for severe malaria. The patient had worsened with blood sugars fluctuating, respiratory distress ,deranged uecs and a reduced level of consciousness. Yes ,I still perfectly remember with terrible exactness. I remember murmuring to myself what next in a limited system. No man is an island ,so I called my second on call and the feedback was something I didn't expect ,I was on my own. Am I remember is walking out of the ward . The sun was pretty young. I leaned along the wall ,letting the rays caress my feeble exhausted self. Thinking deeply ,deeper about nothing. I let my eyes follow the rays and admired the sight. Afew minutes later I'm call to certify the patient. I must confess I have never forgotten her face and how she had looked at me expectantly.This was my first loss and I remember gathering strength to see other patients.

Fifteen minutes later ,I get acall from maternity , two women with obstructed labour and a fetal distress. I request a full haemogram and I was informed the machine had broken down. We sent out samples and the agony of the wait time began. My teaching was an emergency should be sorted immediately. The wait exercebated my anxiety ,at this point I thought I wouldn't live through another mortality. I have never prayer that much in my life. I lost count of the number of fetal heart rates I recorded, the number of times I ressured the mothers.Full haemograms came back 4 hours later. All along I was at the maternity ward ,waiting and making numerous calls. By the Time I got them back ,its 4 pm ,no breakfast no lunch ,no shower. Unfortunately their haemograms for some reason all had low hbs. It wasn't a good time to question reliability ,they already act as evidence in case things went south. My first plan of action was to refer the patients to the next facility because we didn't have blood. I call my second on call to inform them of the new development. Shockingly they thought I couldn't think on the side of the patient. In her/his wildest dream i should have thought of a possibility of an ambulance coming towards our facility and request them to get blood instead of us referring. Magical as it sounds. Our next referal Centre was 2 hours away. How is it possible that at that particular minute and second there was an ambulance driving towards us. There had been no referrals from us. I was dumbfounded. The exhaustion of the mothers and their hope instantly killed me. I couldn't fight back my tears. To cut the long story short we did the caesarians at midnight ,and the babies scored.And this marks my first miracle .

To the forests we belong

I swear ,I have never been as emotional as this particular day.At least I can remember any instances of elevated emotions ,but even then I managed to ground them. Days come and go ,even those we have so longed for and never let them go. Every dawn brings with it a tide ,one we have no control with but to swim along to whatever pole it takes us to. Just so you know ,I'm a believer of fate .We can argue out the control and lack  thereof whoever wins ,its never that serious ,every monkey has its tree ,its not a litmus paper to anything ,not any monetary thing i know of.However we can't ignore the fact that some monkeys have an entire forest ,and on this I'm very opinionated. You argue with me I shoot you ,you argue again I shoot right through your SA node. 2020 came with a new conversion. The cult we all should convert to.Whether you got a withering tree to live ,a forest or no tree at all you got to accept.I mean you only got 365 and a quarter days ,I have never seen the quarter BTW ,but we can't afford any negative energy. On this particular day I was discharging one baby ,a year old who had been managed for severe acute malnutrition. She had become the highlights of my last 25 days. I remember when the entire world remarked the birth of Christ ,I was by her bed side, it didn't make sense to merry while she had a desert to her side. She had grown fond of me and every time I entered her cube she would smile ,stretch her emaciated weak upper limbs towards me and I would carry her. It reminded me of my childhood ,how we would wait for my dad by the backyard especially when my mum wanted to instil some discipline in us ,when one person spotted him ,we would all roar into a chant , off in neck breaking speeds and throw our tiny bodies over him. If you cant relate kindly remind me i am growing old. For the record ,no one ever needed a cervical collar for a broken neck. Carrying this baby every morning inspired my early rise. I watched as life came back slowly to her . She regained reciprocal social behavior and soon she was fit for discharge. The morning I wrote her discharge I felt devastated ,I was heartbroken and I didn't want to let her go. I was worried she would come back malnourished. A blanket sign from her mother pointed to a tough life. Did not understand any Swahili , tall tiny woman dressed in tattered clothes. Seven other kids at home. She was shy ,smiled with her eyes peering on the floor. When your eyes got in contact with hers, she developed instant nystagmus  and all I read were hidden pains. She however was content. You remember the forests up there? .This is not a question of whether fate is fair or not. If we all could be as content as this woman ,this world would be a better place. I mean ,you pick up your struggle ,drag it ,pull or roll it and move on. You comment on your neighbours struggle ,we hunt you down.You throw some tantrum hatred we combine it multiply by an infinity and send the damn thing back to you. You amasse anything that aint yours ,you return to us sevenfold to the seventh generation,until everyone minds their forests.The day we realize the adage ,grass is greener on the other side ,is a microscopic view of life we live. We can't be running after some greens even when we are 100 and gasping. If we have or we don't ,let whatever is be ,we can't have all. We can't be everything we would like. This beats humanity. We wake up ,we till what life has offered ,we sleep whether it is on a hammock, animal skin or on a bed ,the REM and non R EM sleep pattern is constant. Whatever brings happiness ,chase thee it. A friend once told me she would walk into her husband's house with a rag she had kept for days ,and I was like ,if this rag bringeth thee joy ,then may it be. I'm still to ascertain if she still owns it .LOL. Every monkey to it's forest ,as they say.